Australia through a traveller’s eyes, ears and mouth

The sun has risen on our last full day in Australia to find us glad of our many new experiences and eager for more in South East Asia. Although Oz hasn’t been the most different culture we have visited, after all they were all Brits till not too long ago, it has exposed us to a lot of new sights, sounds and flavours for which we are grateful:

First, and probably foremost, there is the local wildlife, rightly considered some of the greatest and most unique in the world today. We’ve walked open mouthed through lush Gondwanaland rainforests growing since before Oz split from Africa. We’ve gotten surprisingly close to Kangaroos, Koalas, Wallabies and Possums not to mention the ever present, ever scrounging wild Turkeys. And lets not forget the sea-life; the whales we saw breaching at Coff’s harbour, the dolphins that I swam with or, more accurately, swam away from fast after mistaking the playful fellas for sharks.

Some of the more unique wildlife witnessed on our trip … and a kangaroo

New sounds are everywhere too. Whether they be Kookaburras chuckling in the morning sun, or utes (weird Aussie pickup trucks with loads of power) roaring and doing very little else they’re all new to me. We had our first visit to the opera within one of Australia’s greatest buildings; the great Sydney Opera house, a sight for sore eyes in itself where we enjoyed wine and snacks overlooking the famous harbour and its bridge. Opera isn’t our cup of tea, whether Aussie or otherwise though but one Australian sound that could teach Britain a thing or two is the radio: An ever-present accompaniment on a road trip like ours, the stations here effortlessly mix classics from years gone by with modern tunes from the top of the charts and the bottom of the pile. This compares to modern UK stations which blurt out the same 20 songs from a narrow trench of the last month’s ‘chart’ music all day long, come on Pommies!

Being a gastronome or a greedy gnome depending on your point of view, the flavours of Oz were always going to excite me. In the end it surprised me as well. The Australian love of the Avocado for example was unexpectedly lovely; salmon and Avocado on toast and BLATs (BLTs with avocado) are both yummy. Being a coffee lover the quantity, quality and variety of coffee on offer was eye-widening, sometimes literally thanks to caffeine. Mugachino anyone? How about a Viennese? Dirty Chai? Filthy Chai? … Don’t ask. Anyway there is also a variety of muesli and granola unrivalled anywhere else in the world as well as things done with sweet potatoes that haven’t been done anywhere else in the world. Oh and the Eggs Benedict! Did I mention that they call Peppers Capsicums?

So if you think that Aussie tucker consists of tinnies, pies and ‘shrimps on the barbie” then you are wrong. Here’s to the food wizards of Oz as well as their music makers their furry movers and their feather shakers.

Does my bum look big in this??

Body image seems to be a massive thing in Australia. As someone who has a really poor self image, initially I felt incredibly inadequate. Especially on the beaches where everyone female is tiny. However, now it’s really annoyed me. The magazines here are even less discrete with their blatant screams “You need to be thinner” with pages and pages dedicated to telling what you need to do to make sure you don’t get fat in winter. Every day there are endless tv programs akin to Gillian McKeith talking about what foods we should and more importantly shouldn’t eat.  And of course the advert for one of those pre sold diet meal kits where the woman in the advert actually says that being thinner makes her a better mum?!! And another advert features a slightly curvy lady who is nude – the message being she has found freedom by playing on the concept she has “let herself go” and she is an object of comedy.

Byron Bay seems to reflect this notion of carrying the “right” image. The guys all seem to be rocking the “unique” uniform of baggy vest/ no top, hareem trousers and ideally dreadlocks, or straggly hair. The girls similarly all wear their overpriced beach type clothes from the likes of Billabong etc. The people we encountered, like Byron Bay itself seemed plastic, and I can completely see where the inspiration for the Inbetweeners movie came from. The beaches are beautiful, however the sand is covered in plastic people, and touts trying to sell terrible sunglasses. The town is full of overpriced bars, restaurants and cafes capitilising on selling whole foods at ridiculous prices, and basically helping to keep the ridiculous plastic image going by reinforcing the fake boho vibe. Needless to say we were very dissapointed as Byron was one of the places we’d been looking forward to seeing.

Fortunately, we’ve been staying in the closeby Broken Head nature reserve. The beach here is beautiful, practically empty, with dolphins regularly leaping from the waves.  The campsite literally backs onto this beach on one side and is surrounded by a subtropical rainforest  nature reserve on the other with lovely walks, birds and wildlife aplenty. We have a tribe of wild turkeys who provide entertainment in their mischievousness right outside the van,  and can hear the waves crashing against the beach. Bliss.

Sealife’s scary in Port Macquarie – Warning: More highly realistic sharky imagery and tales contained in post

Does anyone remember this shark encounter in Fiji?

Well that’s nothing compared to the terrifying tale I have to tell you. It was a lovely warm day in Port Macquarie on the New South Wales coast and I was glad to be back on a board catching some waves. The surf was short and heavy, which in non surf terms that it felt like being stomped on by a giant and was hard to ride. Anyway I was still enjoying myself in the water when suddenly ‘what’s that grey thing further out in the water?’ I wondered. It was hard to get a good line of site but … it was sort of pointy. Up to that point I had been trying to push the shark warning signs to the back of my head but they suddenly came careering to to fore, I had to get out of the water now!

This realisation came quickly but I was still pointing out toward the sea … and the shark. The quickest turn around in history felt like it took a century as I pictured jaws approaching fancying a bit of Yorkshire pudding for lunch and I began the long paddle back to shore. I’ve never paddled faster or strained my arms harder than in that 25 metre swim. I’m quite a good swimmer but, again, it felt like ages were passing as I swam to shore, ages in which my toothy friend could be getting closer to my feet. It was truly, vividly horrifying as my spectacular picture shows (below), especially when a wave threatened to dislodge me from my board.

When I did eventually make it to shore the relief was amazing, I still had all my limbs. I found a lady sitting nearby who had the look of a knowledgeable local and told her my terrible tale, asking her if sharks were often seen on the beach and imagining the lifeguards clearing the local coasts.

“No, we don’t get many sharks, but we have had a lot of dolphins recently” she said “I’ve been photographing them, that’s what just popped up near you. They were swimming about near where you were surfing so I’m not surprised you saw one. They’re much more bouncy and graceful than sharks. Dolphins go up and down whereas sharks go straight through the water.”

After some reassurance from the woman that my life wasn’t in danger (phew) and a touch base with Mahlah I went back in the sea assured that I’d be safe from sharks, though the heavy waves were a different matter.

Sharky experiences aside Port Macquarie was a great place, the surf was difficult to handle at Flynn’s beach but refreshing, Mahlah loved the Koala trail, which is a lot like the toads in Hull, but with cute little Koalas. She now owns a colouring book with each Koala on the trail in it and is thinking of recommending something similar to Hull City Council. We both saw dolphins out of their disguises playing around in the harbour and enjoyed two lovely portions of fish and chips for just a fiver! boom!

We’ve now tripped further north to Coff’s Harbour and more lovely beaches. Don’t worry, my close encounter with the terrible dolphin hasn’t scared me out of the water.